Controversial. Sorry.

Day before Halloween, 1938. The CBS Mercury Theater had just begun its normal programming when an urgent voice broke in. “Ladies and gentleman, we interrupt our program…to bring you a special bulletin from the Intercontinental Radio News.” That “news” was the invasion of aliens from Mars (how would we know that again?—was it on the side of their spacecraft?) near New York City. Details and eye-witness accounts of the carnage followed.

Gullible listeners—and that was a LOT of people—thought it was actually happening (because the media told them it was) and hysteria spread like wildfire. People packed up their cars and fled while others took to the streets screaming. Some of those who did neither quickly improvised gas masks while others prayed to Jesus as this was the end. Other news broadcasts began alerting their audiences. It took weeks to convince the American public that the program had been dramatic adaption by Howard Koch of Wells’ book War of the Worlds. H.G. Wells went on two years later to publish a book called The New World Order, which at the time seemed nearly as bizarre as alien space invaders. But—I digress.

Last December a few days before the holiday known as Christmas, the American people were shocked and saddened by a crime of incredible magnitude. Only…the crime was the hoax perpetrated on them—not the alleged school shooting that occurred in Newtown, Connecticut. What Mr. Wells and CBS were able to do with mere early 20th century technology—the galvanizing of an entire country, it seemed—70-odd years later has been done again, only with much improved technology and much more sinister implications.

If you doubt the “facts” of Sandy Hoax, I challenge you to watch the video of the medical examiner. I won’t link it here in case you think I’m stacking my deck. In the face of simply the most heinous crime anyone can remember, this buffoon put on quite the show. Standing there in a lab coat (who does that for a press conference?), which was quite frankly the only “evidence” that this idiot went to medical school even, this man alleged that he was a firearms expert due to the thousands of shootings he’d investigated in his career. Really? If there had been that many, wouldn’t Newtown be known as Crime Central and not a place where well-off families moved to to escape violence? His entire demeanor reeked of “staged” and acted BADLY. Maybe they should have tried to get Jack Klugman for the part—Quincy did a much better job as an M.E.

Another player (and I use that word pointedly) was Robbie Parker, supposedly the dad of Emily who had been murdered in the rampage at Sandy Hook. A day later he’s caught on a recording laughing and looking for cues. Really, Mr. Parker—if that’s who you are? You had to work up some tears for your dead child?

Facebook devotees have already been treated to the fact that Victoria Soto had a memorial Facebook page up FOUR DAYS before the incident occurred but which was quickly removed (why?) when it came to light via screenshots that began circulating.

The ‘neighbor’ Gene Rosen who didn’t bother to call 911 to alert them about the six children in his home. The bus driver (?) who had brought them to safety in his driveway (without calling 911 either, apparently) changed gender depending on which teary-eyed-but-no-tears interview you watch.

The list goes on and on. Where was the rifle that Lanza allegedly killed everyone with? Where is the video from the swanky brand-new school security system that shows him shooting his way into the building—or maybe just walking in dressed in commando gear—depending on which story you want to read. How did the dead principal give a statement to the Newtown Bee about the incident? The police commander who totally changed the subject. The discrepancy about how many people were seen where, the parents of the dead who were content to just drive away (we’re told) instead of grief-stricken attempts to get to their children at the school. Who were the nuns that mysteriously showed up and why did one resemble a linebacker? Bad acting from nearly everyone involved. Miscues, Photoshop and lies, oh my.

If you still want to believe that Sandy Hook actually occurred, I hope that Santa Claus was good to you this past Christmas. And I’ve got some beachfront in Kansas I can let you have cheap.